Stibbs has now gone from Bolivia to Bogota, so this blog is now really rather defunct. Excitingly, StibbsgoestoColombia is vibrant, fresh and valid.
Thanks to you all for reading, your comments (especially the anonymous cantankerous ones), and particularly to Jovahi for being my one "follower".
Forgive me Jovahi, I don't really know what that means to either of us but even my own mother hasn't become done it. On the assumption that you're not my mother, thanks to you.
So please swing over to my new blog for more of the same ramblings.
Chaucito, jon
Friday 4 December 2009
Friday 20 November 2009
First impressions of beautiful Bogota
Colombia may have a reputation as a dangerous cocktail of drug barons, paramilitaries and guerrillas but I knew things had changed. I’d seen the adverts: who could fail to be convinced by this man’s voice? Less gruffly, Susi had told me that Bogota was now safe (relatively speaking) and awash with glamorous people dripping in Louis Vuitton.
So I was expecting something pretty spectacular. When we left the airport, with trolleys bearing the bodyweight of an elephant, it was chaotic and dark. Few places look good in the dark and this was no exception.
Our private bus left as it began to rain, the surrounding buildings had the appearance of a long-neglected building site. It was comforting to see the occasional person knocking about it, until I realized there were a lot of unseasonably dressed women around. We’d found the red light district.
Even the people outside an alternative rock club looked menacing, no mean feat in de-rigeur silly hair and tight jeans. All blokes, they stared at the ridiculous vehicle we had had to commandeer—the only vehicle large enough for our unfeasible quantity of stuff.
Past the prostitutes, we slowed and stopped in the middle of nowhere. To our right, a homeless man was shouting for help as two policemen were trying to beat him into submission so they could handcuff him. To the reluctance of our disappointed driver, who was enjoying the scuffle, I insisted we left.
A little later, we pulled up again outside a rather uninspiring block of flats. The doorman stared quizzically through the dirty window at the strangers and their extraordinarily large luggage. Little did he know he’d be helping us lug it up four flights of stairs.
Home.
(I ought to point out that things have improved immeasurably since then.)
So I was expecting something pretty spectacular. When we left the airport, with trolleys bearing the bodyweight of an elephant, it was chaotic and dark. Few places look good in the dark and this was no exception.
Our private bus left as it began to rain, the surrounding buildings had the appearance of a long-neglected building site. It was comforting to see the occasional person knocking about it, until I realized there were a lot of unseasonably dressed women around. We’d found the red light district.
Even the people outside an alternative rock club looked menacing, no mean feat in de-rigeur silly hair and tight jeans. All blokes, they stared at the ridiculous vehicle we had had to commandeer—the only vehicle large enough for our unfeasible quantity of stuff.
Past the prostitutes, we slowed and stopped in the middle of nowhere. To our right, a homeless man was shouting for help as two policemen were trying to beat him into submission so they could handcuff him. To the reluctance of our disappointed driver, who was enjoying the scuffle, I insisted we left.
A little later, we pulled up again outside a rather uninspiring block of flats. The doorman stared quizzically through the dirty window at the strangers and their extraordinarily large luggage. Little did he know he’d be helping us lug it up four flights of stairs.
Home.
(I ought to point out that things have improved immeasurably since then.)
Hooked on Titicaca’s trout or Trout and Titicaca’s cars
This is a story that was original put up on http://www.foodtripper.com/. A jolly good website, I heartily recommend to anyone who like food and travel. They have pix and no mention of feaces.
In La Paz, fresh fish is a luxury—the coast is a country away and, while there is a river, the Choqueyapu is now so filthy that even the microbes that live on faeces cannot survive in it.
And yet, it is true that Amazonian river fish can be brought up from the lowlands and seafood is flown in from Peru or Chile (restaurant owners tip the wink to favoured customers when a flight is due).
There are even ceviche stalls serving the Peruvian marinated delicacy, which ought to be elbowing some of the world’s ubiquitous sushi bars aside. Sold from an electricity-free stand hours from the sea, however, it’s more Russian roulette than lunch.
A safer solution is to make a trip to the vast turquoise expanse of Lago Titicaca. Any suspicion Titicaca was named by a committee of helplessly sniggering schoolboys is confirmed on discovering its water then feeds into Lake Poopó.
Lago Titicaca, the largest lake in South America, is a welcome break from La Paz, as well as the unwitting home to trout. The trout were imported and are now farmed. While there are wild fish in the lake, they tend to be unappetizing and illusive.
Fishing can be a fruitless exercise anywhere; a frustrated guide here once lost patience with my endless incompetence. Unable to bear my failure any longer, we puttered over the nearest fish farm where he suggested dropping a line into the seething water. Whether he would have followed this up by proffering a barrel of fish and a shotgun, I don’t know.
“The lake” is only a three hour drive from the capital through the aptly if unimaginatively named Altiplano (high plain). We (my wife and two Swedish friends) were spending the night at Copacabana, a tourist town on a pretty peninsular.
Tiny boats provide the only access to the peninsula from La Paz; ours was manned by two boys, as well as a man. The other side of the strait, seemed to have been taken over almost entirely by children.
The road snakes along the peninsula’s backbone looking down to the lake on both sides and passing burning scrubland. Children were begging from the passing traffic, shepherding their animals, walking unaccompanied along the road—some carrying firewood—or sheltering from the sun.
Copacabana is famous, mention it in relation to food and Bolivians will automatically think of Pollos Copacabana—a sub-KFC chain that pollutes the air around its outlets. Strangely, while their malodorous presence is felt widely elsewhere, they have no franchise here. Instead, the “beach” is lined with stands selling trout and kingfish.
A queue of freshly washed cars were lined up outside the town’s Moorish Catholic cathedral. Once Sunday’s Mass was over, three young priests began blessing their automotive flock, while a lady shaman trailed behind attempting to flog her more earthly services.
Some of the cars were festooned with garlands of flowers and laden with petals. Bonnets were open to reveal crucifixes, icons, and good luck charms such as frogs.
Once the priest—my favourite sporting baseball cap, jeans, socks and sandals under his vestments—had flicked holy water with a plastic flower onto the car (in and out, as well as under the bonnet), the proud new padrino (godfather) and the owners; the party could begin. Firecrackers exploded onto the road and beer was sprayed all over the newly blessed vehicles.
Besides the trout at the stalls, food options in Copacabana include the legs of the world’s largest aquatic frog (they’re also liquidized as a “natural” Viagra). Tempting, clearly, but we were off to the restaurants at the lakeside village of Huatahajata.
Competition for customers is stiff in Huatahata. Passing cars run the gauntlet of men, women and children (even a gringo!), almost throwing themselves into the road to attract the attention of passers by. From the street, the restaurants in the strip are indistinguishable; closer up, it’s still difficult to tell them apart—they are all on stilts over the sparkling water and offer a seemingly identical menu of trout-based treats.
Purely by luck, we found ourselves in Sol de Los Andes (Sun of the Andes). Commendably, it’s run by the Voces Libres foundation for orphans and children working in Bolivia’s colonial-era mines or living on the streets of La Paz.
Inside, under the ceiling swathed in blue material, the tables were packed with Bolivian families. Outside, the lake spread across to Peru, while in-between ducks, boats and the occasional catamaran bobbed about.
We were greeted with a plate of what appeared to be grey stones. Further investigation revealed them to be a relation of the broad bean, to be peeled and vitalized with a dash of spicy llajua sauce.
I picked the trout a la Diabla. Like all the other dishes, the fried fish came with chips, rice and vegetables. Mine was covered in a “picante” onion-tomato sauce, so mild it left me in no fear of a chilli cook-off at Beelzebub’s.
The fish was fabulously fresh, succulent and perfectly filleted, the chips perfect and the vegetables cold (but we weren’t there for the broccoli anyway).
The trip back to La Paz through the Mars-like Altiplano was spectacular, as always. Even from our height of nearly 4,000 metres, the snowy Cordillera Real Mountains towered ahead.
To our right, sand storms spun, lightning flashed and dark clouds emptied rain. In places, the sun pierced through the darkness, while behind us wispy clouds floated in the dazzling blue.
In La Paz, fresh fish is a luxury—the coast is a country away and, while there is a river, the Choqueyapu is now so filthy that even the microbes that live on faeces cannot survive in it.
And yet, it is true that Amazonian river fish can be brought up from the lowlands and seafood is flown in from Peru or Chile (restaurant owners tip the wink to favoured customers when a flight is due).
There are even ceviche stalls serving the Peruvian marinated delicacy, which ought to be elbowing some of the world’s ubiquitous sushi bars aside. Sold from an electricity-free stand hours from the sea, however, it’s more Russian roulette than lunch.
A safer solution is to make a trip to the vast turquoise expanse of Lago Titicaca. Any suspicion Titicaca was named by a committee of helplessly sniggering schoolboys is confirmed on discovering its water then feeds into Lake Poopó.
Lago Titicaca, the largest lake in South America, is a welcome break from La Paz, as well as the unwitting home to trout. The trout were imported and are now farmed. While there are wild fish in the lake, they tend to be unappetizing and illusive.
Fishing can be a fruitless exercise anywhere; a frustrated guide here once lost patience with my endless incompetence. Unable to bear my failure any longer, we puttered over the nearest fish farm where he suggested dropping a line into the seething water. Whether he would have followed this up by proffering a barrel of fish and a shotgun, I don’t know.
“The lake” is only a three hour drive from the capital through the aptly if unimaginatively named Altiplano (high plain). We (my wife and two Swedish friends) were spending the night at Copacabana, a tourist town on a pretty peninsular.
Tiny boats provide the only access to the peninsula from La Paz; ours was manned by two boys, as well as a man. The other side of the strait, seemed to have been taken over almost entirely by children.
The road snakes along the peninsula’s backbone looking down to the lake on both sides and passing burning scrubland. Children were begging from the passing traffic, shepherding their animals, walking unaccompanied along the road—some carrying firewood—or sheltering from the sun.
Copacabana is famous, mention it in relation to food and Bolivians will automatically think of Pollos Copacabana—a sub-KFC chain that pollutes the air around its outlets. Strangely, while their malodorous presence is felt widely elsewhere, they have no franchise here. Instead, the “beach” is lined with stands selling trout and kingfish.
A queue of freshly washed cars were lined up outside the town’s Moorish Catholic cathedral. Once Sunday’s Mass was over, three young priests began blessing their automotive flock, while a lady shaman trailed behind attempting to flog her more earthly services.
Some of the cars were festooned with garlands of flowers and laden with petals. Bonnets were open to reveal crucifixes, icons, and good luck charms such as frogs.
Once the priest—my favourite sporting baseball cap, jeans, socks and sandals under his vestments—had flicked holy water with a plastic flower onto the car (in and out, as well as under the bonnet), the proud new padrino (godfather) and the owners; the party could begin. Firecrackers exploded onto the road and beer was sprayed all over the newly blessed vehicles.
Besides the trout at the stalls, food options in Copacabana include the legs of the world’s largest aquatic frog (they’re also liquidized as a “natural” Viagra). Tempting, clearly, but we were off to the restaurants at the lakeside village of Huatahajata.
Competition for customers is stiff in Huatahata. Passing cars run the gauntlet of men, women and children (even a gringo!), almost throwing themselves into the road to attract the attention of passers by. From the street, the restaurants in the strip are indistinguishable; closer up, it’s still difficult to tell them apart—they are all on stilts over the sparkling water and offer a seemingly identical menu of trout-based treats.
Purely by luck, we found ourselves in Sol de Los Andes (Sun of the Andes). Commendably, it’s run by the Voces Libres foundation for orphans and children working in Bolivia’s colonial-era mines or living on the streets of La Paz.
Inside, under the ceiling swathed in blue material, the tables were packed with Bolivian families. Outside, the lake spread across to Peru, while in-between ducks, boats and the occasional catamaran bobbed about.
We were greeted with a plate of what appeared to be grey stones. Further investigation revealed them to be a relation of the broad bean, to be peeled and vitalized with a dash of spicy llajua sauce.
I picked the trout a la Diabla. Like all the other dishes, the fried fish came with chips, rice and vegetables. Mine was covered in a “picante” onion-tomato sauce, so mild it left me in no fear of a chilli cook-off at Beelzebub’s.
The fish was fabulously fresh, succulent and perfectly filleted, the chips perfect and the vegetables cold (but we weren’t there for the broccoli anyway).
The trip back to La Paz through the Mars-like Altiplano was spectacular, as always. Even from our height of nearly 4,000 metres, the snowy Cordillera Real Mountains towered ahead.
To our right, sand storms spun, lightning flashed and dark clouds emptied rain. In places, the sun pierced through the darkness, while behind us wispy clouds floated in the dazzling blue.
Sunday 4 October 2009
Friday 2 October 2009
We thank you.
I suppose this blog should be renamed thestibbesgotobolivia.blogspot.com and then shortly thestibbsesgofromboliviatobogota.blogspot.com. Pretty pithy, no?
Anyway, thanks for making the honeymoon possible...
Anyway, thanks for making the honeymoon possible...
Wednesday 5 August 2009
Llamas and their farmers
This is a story I wrote for http://www.foodtripper.com/
Bolivia-resident Jon Stibbs goes off the traditional epicurious track in search of the “Prince of the Andes”
For a large country, Bolivia has very few roads. Mine led out of the noisy chaos of market-day El Alto—La Paz’s adobe-and-breeze-block satellite city—and on to the Altiplano.
The Altiplano or high plane is a dry, flat expanse flanked by the snow-topped Andean Cordillera mountain ranges. Ultimately, the road passes Tiahuanaco’s Inca ruins and the lake of Titicaca before hitting Desaguadero. This border town is a smugglers’ favourite, where gas canisters are shuttled across the Peruvian border by tricycle.
In search of llamas, I had no need to leave the Bolivian side of this high-altitude desert. Not much appreciates this desiccated environment, 4,000 metres above sea level. But the stately llama is no ordinary animal—the “Prince of the Andes” thrives in this insalubrious environment.
My destination was the town of Laja. The occasional tourists do stop here—the seat of the original La Paz and home to a colonial church—but generally their coaches chug on.
Towns on the Altiplano are not known for their architectural riches and Laja is no exception. While not about to trouble UNESCO, it is relatively pretty. Brightly painted adobe buildings surround a plaza where potentially rabid dogs bask by the giant cacti.
Laja has a claim to fame for foodies: its flat bread—made without fat or yeast—is celebrated. As I bought some, schoolchildren coyly giggled as they passed. Self-consciously, I wondered if my M&S chinos were really that amusing.
A walk through the outskirts of the dusty village took me to the arid farm of Celia Aruquipa. Here, her family, llamas, chickens, ducks, pigs and sheep, eke out an existence. The wind swept off the Andean peaks, threatening to take my cricket hat with it. It was cold, and this was in the midday sun.
Protecting the skin and eyes is essential here. It’s a chilli consumé of a sun—thin, watery rays leave only a painful burn but none of the life-enhancing warmth of lower altitudes.
It had snowed earlier in the week. Celia said she had been freezing as she fed the llamas: Julio, Blanco, Maria and her daughter Susi.
The mutual affection between them and their Aymara owner was evident. While Julio nuzzled her, he was rather skittish with me. But then I was probably the first gringo he had ever seen.
Despite their friendship, these are not pets; they are an essential source of protein and income. Killing them is not easy for the family and Celia’s two young children are kept away from the process.
Saturday, 1st August, was the challa—the day Aymaras make a sacrifice to Pachamama, the earth goddess. A shaman will have led a ceremony, involving Ceibo (a brand of “drinking” alcohol), coca leaves and petals. Blanco will have had his throat cut, blood drained and heart removed. If it was still beating when it hit the floor, the Aruquipas will have 12 months of good luck.
The meat will be dried in the sun and salted. Then it will be consumed in rice or chuño soup. Chuño is potato that been blackened and preserved in a days’ long process involving freezing outside at night and trampling out the moisture under foot during the day.
In this way, it remains edible throughout the freezing winter months. It could euphemistically be described as an “acquired taste”. Some chuño—known as tunta—is left in pools of water before being dried again and is rather more challenging.
Having bade farewell to Julio and Celia, I returned to La Paz. I paid my 2.5BS (20 pence) to the conductor—splendidly robed in a knitted purple tank top and orange shirt—and we were away. Twenty-one of us (no livestock), shared the 1.5 malodorous hours back in a suffering mobilidad (minibus). My thoughts were disrupted by the cholita—indigenous lady—sitting in front. As she sleepily fidgeted, her bowler hat kept falling off and landing in my lap.
As I handed it back yet again, I considered life up here on the Altiplano. Usually, it is bone dry under a dangerously strong sun with a cruel, biting wind. Occasionally, it is grey, freezing and wet with a cruel, biting wind. Either way, the weather is unremitting.
Back in the bowl that insulates La Paz, life is a little easier; even, occasionally, salubrious. Tonight, I was to dine at Luna Llena. This is no ordinary restaurant: owner, Juan Pablo Villalobos is an artist who trained as a chef in Spain. He returned to Bolivia to make Mediterranean-inspired food with local produce.
Sat next to a Bolivian Mona Lisa painted by Juan, his brother Jaime explained the family’s ethos to combine an art foundation, bar and restaurant in their ancestral home.
Having ordered the llama, we—my fiancée Susi and I—were given warm rolls and llajwa (pronounced yack-wah). It’s the spicy, tomatoey, ruby in the dust of Bolivia’s often-bland food. We were then delivered an amuse bouche of fried quinoa mini patties with a warm mango dip.
My griddled llama medallions arrived in a thick but delicate pineapple sauce, with a red quinoa risotto. The Andean supergrain makes a lighter risotto than conventional Arborio yet retains the rich creaminess.
So how was the llama? The meat is heavier in texture but lighter in colour than beef. It’s also incredibly lean and, I’m told, low in cholesterol.
Chef on the day, Tomas Alcon Nachos explained: “Llama is more exquisite than steak. To release its flavour, it must be hot and medium or well done; never a la inglesa.”
By some historical quirk, which I like to think sends French steak eaters here apoplectic, “a la inglesa” means rare.
Initially, the combination of pineapple and llama struck me as unlikely and rather unBolivian. However, the rich, red meat balanced the fruit well. Then I remembered how this week I had gone to see the snow on the lip of La Paz’s bowl and the surrounding mountains. On the way home, I had picked up a fresh tropical lowlands’ pineapple. So really, it was the perfect Bolivian combination.
Bolivia-resident Jon Stibbs goes off the traditional epicurious track in search of the “Prince of the Andes”
For a large country, Bolivia has very few roads. Mine led out of the noisy chaos of market-day El Alto—La Paz’s adobe-and-breeze-block satellite city—and on to the Altiplano.
The Altiplano or high plane is a dry, flat expanse flanked by the snow-topped Andean Cordillera mountain ranges. Ultimately, the road passes Tiahuanaco’s Inca ruins and the lake of Titicaca before hitting Desaguadero. This border town is a smugglers’ favourite, where gas canisters are shuttled across the Peruvian border by tricycle.
In search of llamas, I had no need to leave the Bolivian side of this high-altitude desert. Not much appreciates this desiccated environment, 4,000 metres above sea level. But the stately llama is no ordinary animal—the “Prince of the Andes” thrives in this insalubrious environment.
My destination was the town of Laja. The occasional tourists do stop here—the seat of the original La Paz and home to a colonial church—but generally their coaches chug on.
Towns on the Altiplano are not known for their architectural riches and Laja is no exception. While not about to trouble UNESCO, it is relatively pretty. Brightly painted adobe buildings surround a plaza where potentially rabid dogs bask by the giant cacti.
Laja has a claim to fame for foodies: its flat bread—made without fat or yeast—is celebrated. As I bought some, schoolchildren coyly giggled as they passed. Self-consciously, I wondered if my M&S chinos were really that amusing.
A walk through the outskirts of the dusty village took me to the arid farm of Celia Aruquipa. Here, her family, llamas, chickens, ducks, pigs and sheep, eke out an existence. The wind swept off the Andean peaks, threatening to take my cricket hat with it. It was cold, and this was in the midday sun.
Protecting the skin and eyes is essential here. It’s a chilli consumé of a sun—thin, watery rays leave only a painful burn but none of the life-enhancing warmth of lower altitudes.
It had snowed earlier in the week. Celia said she had been freezing as she fed the llamas: Julio, Blanco, Maria and her daughter Susi.
The mutual affection between them and their Aymara owner was evident. While Julio nuzzled her, he was rather skittish with me. But then I was probably the first gringo he had ever seen.
Despite their friendship, these are not pets; they are an essential source of protein and income. Killing them is not easy for the family and Celia’s two young children are kept away from the process.
Saturday, 1st August, was the challa—the day Aymaras make a sacrifice to Pachamama, the earth goddess. A shaman will have led a ceremony, involving Ceibo (a brand of “drinking” alcohol), coca leaves and petals. Blanco will have had his throat cut, blood drained and heart removed. If it was still beating when it hit the floor, the Aruquipas will have 12 months of good luck.
The meat will be dried in the sun and salted. Then it will be consumed in rice or chuño soup. Chuño is potato that been blackened and preserved in a days’ long process involving freezing outside at night and trampling out the moisture under foot during the day.
In this way, it remains edible throughout the freezing winter months. It could euphemistically be described as an “acquired taste”. Some chuño—known as tunta—is left in pools of water before being dried again and is rather more challenging.
Having bade farewell to Julio and Celia, I returned to La Paz. I paid my 2.5BS (20 pence) to the conductor—splendidly robed in a knitted purple tank top and orange shirt—and we were away. Twenty-one of us (no livestock), shared the 1.5 malodorous hours back in a suffering mobilidad (minibus). My thoughts were disrupted by the cholita—indigenous lady—sitting in front. As she sleepily fidgeted, her bowler hat kept falling off and landing in my lap.
As I handed it back yet again, I considered life up here on the Altiplano. Usually, it is bone dry under a dangerously strong sun with a cruel, biting wind. Occasionally, it is grey, freezing and wet with a cruel, biting wind. Either way, the weather is unremitting.
Back in the bowl that insulates La Paz, life is a little easier; even, occasionally, salubrious. Tonight, I was to dine at Luna Llena. This is no ordinary restaurant: owner, Juan Pablo Villalobos is an artist who trained as a chef in Spain. He returned to Bolivia to make Mediterranean-inspired food with local produce.
Sat next to a Bolivian Mona Lisa painted by Juan, his brother Jaime explained the family’s ethos to combine an art foundation, bar and restaurant in their ancestral home.
Having ordered the llama, we—my fiancée Susi and I—were given warm rolls and llajwa (pronounced yack-wah). It’s the spicy, tomatoey, ruby in the dust of Bolivia’s often-bland food. We were then delivered an amuse bouche of fried quinoa mini patties with a warm mango dip.
My griddled llama medallions arrived in a thick but delicate pineapple sauce, with a red quinoa risotto. The Andean supergrain makes a lighter risotto than conventional Arborio yet retains the rich creaminess.
So how was the llama? The meat is heavier in texture but lighter in colour than beef. It’s also incredibly lean and, I’m told, low in cholesterol.
Chef on the day, Tomas Alcon Nachos explained: “Llama is more exquisite than steak. To release its flavour, it must be hot and medium or well done; never a la inglesa.”
By some historical quirk, which I like to think sends French steak eaters here apoplectic, “a la inglesa” means rare.
Initially, the combination of pineapple and llama struck me as unlikely and rather unBolivian. However, the rich, red meat balanced the fruit well. Then I remembered how this week I had gone to see the snow on the lip of La Paz’s bowl and the surrounding mountains. On the way home, I had picked up a fresh tropical lowlands’ pineapple. So really, it was the perfect Bolivian combination.
Wednesday 29 July 2009
New life in the cemetery district
A trip to the cemetery district can be as uninviting as it sounds. The first time Susi and I went, for our own safety, our fellow travellers begged us not to get off the bus until the sun rose. Outside there was plenty of drunkenness and the odd fight but it didn’t really warrant these villagers’ terror.
This time we arrived in a car and our driver was a trained bodyguard—more to protect Patricio’s camera than us. Our destination was a club with doormen in full riot gear.
We were here for El Alto’s first-ever transvestite cholita—bowler-hatted indigenous ladies—competition. It was held in La Paz, not El Alto, because the organizers couldn’t find a venue to take them in their hometown.
Official kick off was 7pm, but we’d been given the wink not to arrive until 8pm. Smugly, we found great seats. A mere three hours later, the pageant began and Calypso was packed.
The event was to celebrate the 200 anniversary of Bolivia’s first cry for independence from the Spanish. This event may not have been what the original anti-colonialists were expecting.
Pretty boys ostentatiously held hands and snogged on the dance floor, something unimaginable outside the protection of the paramilitary bouncers. Same-sex couples danced together, which isn’t allowed in the mixed clubs gay El Alteños have to frequent on the Altiplano.
The friendly wooping crowd applauded the performers. A lesbian and transvestite pair did a role-reversed version of a traditional dance. Bolivia’s number one transsexual put on a very indiscrete show, with an unfortunate wardrobe malfunction à la Janet Jackson. Mr Gay of El Alto karaokeed in a Mexican-style.
The cholitas themselves wore extravagant outfits and spun like heavy-set, heavily made-up whirling dervishes. Under the disco lights, it was a dramatic spectacle and refreshing to see such a variety of sexualities.
This was the most inclusive crowd we had seen since arriving in Bolivia but one group was noticeable by their absence: female cholitas.
This time we arrived in a car and our driver was a trained bodyguard—more to protect Patricio’s camera than us. Our destination was a club with doormen in full riot gear.
We were here for El Alto’s first-ever transvestite cholita—bowler-hatted indigenous ladies—competition. It was held in La Paz, not El Alto, because the organizers couldn’t find a venue to take them in their hometown.
Official kick off was 7pm, but we’d been given the wink not to arrive until 8pm. Smugly, we found great seats. A mere three hours later, the pageant began and Calypso was packed.
The event was to celebrate the 200 anniversary of Bolivia’s first cry for independence from the Spanish. This event may not have been what the original anti-colonialists were expecting.
Pretty boys ostentatiously held hands and snogged on the dance floor, something unimaginable outside the protection of the paramilitary bouncers. Same-sex couples danced together, which isn’t allowed in the mixed clubs gay El Alteños have to frequent on the Altiplano.
The friendly wooping crowd applauded the performers. A lesbian and transvestite pair did a role-reversed version of a traditional dance. Bolivia’s number one transsexual put on a very indiscrete show, with an unfortunate wardrobe malfunction à la Janet Jackson. Mr Gay of El Alto karaokeed in a Mexican-style.
The cholitas themselves wore extravagant outfits and spun like heavy-set, heavily made-up whirling dervishes. Under the disco lights, it was a dramatic spectacle and refreshing to see such a variety of sexualities.
This was the most inclusive crowd we had seen since arriving in Bolivia but one group was noticeable by their absence: female cholitas.
Tuesday 14 July 2009
Pinching policemen, prisons and partying with drug lords
In the morning, I like to buy my fruit at Sopocachi market; now I have some confidence in my language skills, it’s incredibly well stocked, friendly and cheap, rather than merely terrifying, as it used to be. On my way there this week, I saw a uniformed Policia Municipal walk up to one of the stalls and then pinch a cheap, lattice shopping bag.
He then stood a few yards away, looking ridiculous carrying the empty, bright swagged bag until the stall holder pleaded for it back. The thieving swine returned it, before he and his two female colleagues strolled off without even the decency to look sheepish. It made me feel very angry to see, if the police are no better than the shabbiest thieves then what hope justice?
The prison system is in the process of being cleaned up. The infamous San Pedro prison, once open to the paying public for tours, “the best cocaine in South America”, cheap restaurants and beds for the night is being closed. And so ends one of La Paz’s most infamous tourist attraction.
For the public, at least. The inmates, however, are going nowhere, but their wives, children and traditional sources of income will be gone. Unless the new regime becomes as corrupted as the last one and the old ways slip back in.
The Bolivian prison system has seen a new inmate this week. The former “Minister for Cocaine” has been extradited from the States. Not so fresh from 30 years in a US jail, Luis Arce Gomez will be finishing his days in El Alto’s insalubrious Chonchocoro prison. He once employed the Nazi Klaus Barbie as an advisor and seemed to take his advice to heart—he had been key to one of Bolivia’s most unpleasant dictatorships.
Back in Luis’ 1980s pomp, the Bolivian economy relied heavily on cocaine. A well-connected friend went to party hidden near the Brazilian border for the 15th birthday of a senior drug lord’s daughter. The private airstrip was busy with private jets landing unloading guests keen to enjoy the fabulous hospitality of the drug baron.
Among the luxuries in the house, a fountain spouted champagne. The glory days were not to last however as the Americans were after him. To avoid extradition, he offered to pay Bolivia’s entire national debt but it wasn’t enough and he’s staying at President Obama’s pleasure. It would seem that sometimes no amount of money can save you.
He then stood a few yards away, looking ridiculous carrying the empty, bright swagged bag until the stall holder pleaded for it back. The thieving swine returned it, before he and his two female colleagues strolled off without even the decency to look sheepish. It made me feel very angry to see, if the police are no better than the shabbiest thieves then what hope justice?
The prison system is in the process of being cleaned up. The infamous San Pedro prison, once open to the paying public for tours, “the best cocaine in South America”, cheap restaurants and beds for the night is being closed. And so ends one of La Paz’s most infamous tourist attraction.
For the public, at least. The inmates, however, are going nowhere, but their wives, children and traditional sources of income will be gone. Unless the new regime becomes as corrupted as the last one and the old ways slip back in.
The Bolivian prison system has seen a new inmate this week. The former “Minister for Cocaine” has been extradited from the States. Not so fresh from 30 years in a US jail, Luis Arce Gomez will be finishing his days in El Alto’s insalubrious Chonchocoro prison. He once employed the Nazi Klaus Barbie as an advisor and seemed to take his advice to heart—he had been key to one of Bolivia’s most unpleasant dictatorships.
Back in Luis’ 1980s pomp, the Bolivian economy relied heavily on cocaine. A well-connected friend went to party hidden near the Brazilian border for the 15th birthday of a senior drug lord’s daughter. The private airstrip was busy with private jets landing unloading guests keen to enjoy the fabulous hospitality of the drug baron.
Among the luxuries in the house, a fountain spouted champagne. The glory days were not to last however as the Americans were after him. To avoid extradition, he offered to pay Bolivia’s entire national debt but it wasn’t enough and he’s staying at President Obama’s pleasure. It would seem that sometimes no amount of money can save you.
Monday 6 July 2009
Pirates and coca over knitwear
Having segued effortlessly from jet lag to upset stomach to cold since arriving back, life has been fairly uneventful and home-based. Yesterday, however, we made a brave outing to refresh our DVD collection.
The walk to the DVD street took Susi, Mikael and me through La Paz’s most tourist area: a succession of shops selling ethno tat leading to a succession of stalls selling llama fetuses.
As we walked a normal-looking man stopped and swore at Mikael. Why he would swear at random foreigners was unexplained and why he would pick the largest man within a mile radius seemed suicidal. Anyway, Mikael and I swapped pleasantries with the man before we hit second-hand clothes street.
Hawking “pre-loved” clothes is illegal in Bolivia, so occasionally these stalls are clamped down on. The theory is tailors should be protected; people should only buy new Bolivian-made clothes, which seems rather tough on the poor. The rag trade is in bad shape since the US ended trade preferences with Bolivia, jeopardizing 25,000 jobs.
Morales chose to defend the booming coca industry (his electorate and fellow unionistas) against the (albeit bonkers) War on Drugs and so sacrifice hope of an improved relationship with the US. Even Chavez gets on better with the US than Morales now, and that’s about as bad as relationships get.
Much more legal than the shifty business of selling clothes is flogging illegal DVDs. An entire road is dedicated to knocked-off movies in shops and stalls. From the latest blockbusters to Boobs and Butts 3, it’s all here.
For £10, we bought the second and third series of Battlestar Gallactica and the second series The Sopranos. Bargain! I tried to buy the new Star Trek film but the salesman told me his wasn’t a good-quality version and advised waiting; they’re even honest(ish).
All the way from the San Francisco church to Plaza Estudiantes, the Prado was packed. Excited Bolivar football fans waved flags out of hooting cars. Under the huge, full moon, hundreds of fans accumulated at the plaza, singing and chanting.
Being outside is certainly more interesting than watching Lord of the Rings. Again.
The walk to the DVD street took Susi, Mikael and me through La Paz’s most tourist area: a succession of shops selling ethno tat leading to a succession of stalls selling llama fetuses.
As we walked a normal-looking man stopped and swore at Mikael. Why he would swear at random foreigners was unexplained and why he would pick the largest man within a mile radius seemed suicidal. Anyway, Mikael and I swapped pleasantries with the man before we hit second-hand clothes street.
Hawking “pre-loved” clothes is illegal in Bolivia, so occasionally these stalls are clamped down on. The theory is tailors should be protected; people should only buy new Bolivian-made clothes, which seems rather tough on the poor. The rag trade is in bad shape since the US ended trade preferences with Bolivia, jeopardizing 25,000 jobs.
Morales chose to defend the booming coca industry (his electorate and fellow unionistas) against the (albeit bonkers) War on Drugs and so sacrifice hope of an improved relationship with the US. Even Chavez gets on better with the US than Morales now, and that’s about as bad as relationships get.
Much more legal than the shifty business of selling clothes is flogging illegal DVDs. An entire road is dedicated to knocked-off movies in shops and stalls. From the latest blockbusters to Boobs and Butts 3, it’s all here.
For £10, we bought the second and third series of Battlestar Gallactica and the second series The Sopranos. Bargain! I tried to buy the new Star Trek film but the salesman told me his wasn’t a good-quality version and advised waiting; they’re even honest(ish).
All the way from the San Francisco church to Plaza Estudiantes, the Prado was packed. Excited Bolivar football fans waved flags out of hooting cars. Under the huge, full moon, hundreds of fans accumulated at the plaza, singing and chanting.
Being outside is certainly more interesting than watching Lord of the Rings. Again.
Wednesday 24 June 2009
In the bright mid-winter
Culturally, the Bolivian ex-pat lifestyle can be a little confused. On Saturday, we attended a Swedish mid-summer party held by Alina, a Canadian-Pole. It had been mid-summer the day before in the northern hemisphere, so we were only one day and two seasons out.
Given that winter here means dazzling blue skies, it’s not so dissimilar to summer in the UK, except it’s dark by 7pm and there are dazzling blue skies.
Anyway, feeling a little odd because of jet lag and altitude adjustment, a party where our Swedish friends said they would be dancing around an enormous penis was not to be missed.
The party was held in a garden with magnificent views of Illimani, if you stood in the right place. It was good to see Alejandro again—one of the few ice-hockey playing Mexicans in La Paz—we had been to his leaving party the night before.
And there in the pride of place was a tall, decorated cross; which would once have been a fertility-symbol phallus before Christianity ruined the fun.
After delicious Indian samosas and flavoured vodka, it was time to dance. Wearing crowns of flowers, we held hands around the “symbol”. A bottle of lemon vodka was passed around, the girl next to me turned it down pointing out she was pregnant, and the dancing began.
There was a song in Swedish about being a frog with hand-actions for ears and tails, for some reason this ended in falling over. I tripped and panicked about landing on the pregnant lady, while next to me a tall Bolivian lady was toppling too. Don’t land on me, I thought. Then, Oh no. Don’t land on her. Land on me. Land on me.
Happily, she managed to miss us both.
Given that winter here means dazzling blue skies, it’s not so dissimilar to summer in the UK, except it’s dark by 7pm and there are dazzling blue skies.
Anyway, feeling a little odd because of jet lag and altitude adjustment, a party where our Swedish friends said they would be dancing around an enormous penis was not to be missed.
The party was held in a garden with magnificent views of Illimani, if you stood in the right place. It was good to see Alejandro again—one of the few ice-hockey playing Mexicans in La Paz—we had been to his leaving party the night before.
And there in the pride of place was a tall, decorated cross; which would once have been a fertility-symbol phallus before Christianity ruined the fun.
After delicious Indian samosas and flavoured vodka, it was time to dance. Wearing crowns of flowers, we held hands around the “symbol”. A bottle of lemon vodka was passed around, the girl next to me turned it down pointing out she was pregnant, and the dancing began.
There was a song in Swedish about being a frog with hand-actions for ears and tails, for some reason this ended in falling over. I tripped and panicked about landing on the pregnant lady, while next to me a tall Bolivian lady was toppling too. Don’t land on me, I thought. Then, Oh no. Don’t land on her. Land on me. Land on me.
Happily, she managed to miss us both.
Friday 19 June 2009
The 10 things we missed about Bolivia
It’s still inexcusably self-indulgent, and I won’t do it again.
The cloudless deep blue skies
The dazzling star-filled night sky
The amazing fruit (and I didn’t think I liked fruit)
Everything being remarkably cheap
Dogs decked out in anoraks, cardies and hoodies
Sonia—our maid
Illimani—our neighborhood 15,000 feet mountain
The view from the lip of El Alto into the La Paz bowl
Indigenous people in their gear
Susi and friends (not that most of them are Bolivian)
Susi's most missed:
Illi Mani—our cats
Illimani—the wopping mountain
The city’s lights at night
Having lots of money
Having a maid
Cholitas
Being taller than everyone else
Lake Titicaca or The Lake as it is known
Speaking Spanish
Having a fuck-off big flat
The cloudless deep blue skies
The dazzling star-filled night sky
The amazing fruit (and I didn’t think I liked fruit)
Everything being remarkably cheap
Dogs decked out in anoraks, cardies and hoodies
Sonia—our maid
Illimani—our neighborhood 15,000 feet mountain
The view from the lip of El Alto into the La Paz bowl
Indigenous people in their gear
Susi and friends (not that most of them are Bolivian)
Susi's most missed:
Illi Mani—our cats
Illimani—the wopping mountain
The city’s lights at night
Having lots of money
Having a maid
Cholitas
Being taller than everyone else
Lake Titicaca or The Lake as it is known
Speaking Spanish
Having a fuck-off big flat
Sunday 10 May 2009
The 10 things I miss most about England.
This is inexcusably self-indulgent, I know.
1 Pubs (especially having an alfresco wee under the stars on Chorleywood Common during the walk home from The Black Horse).
2 Friends and family.
3 Multiculturalism, especially the glorious and varied food.
4 The river (I know there’s more than one but I mean The River).
5 Parks.
6 Listening to Radio 4 in bed.
7 Girls going to the corner shop in their jimjams.
8 Laws.
9 The sea.
10 Very, very long Sunday lunches.
One more: being somewhere simultaneously utterly modern and ancient.
Here are Susi’s (no mention of girls in their jimjams).
1 Mum and dad.
2 The green countryside.
3 Radio 4.
4 BBC TV.
5 Walking up Shotover Hill.
6 Sandwiches.
7 Not having to disinfect fruit and vegetables.
8 Being able to drink tap water.
9 The Guardian
10 Nice buses. (That’s what she said, honest.)
1 Pubs (especially having an alfresco wee under the stars on Chorleywood Common during the walk home from The Black Horse).
2 Friends and family.
3 Multiculturalism, especially the glorious and varied food.
4 The river (I know there’s more than one but I mean The River).
5 Parks.
6 Listening to Radio 4 in bed.
7 Girls going to the corner shop in their jimjams.
8 Laws.
9 The sea.
10 Very, very long Sunday lunches.
One more: being somewhere simultaneously utterly modern and ancient.
Here are Susi’s (no mention of girls in their jimjams).
1 Mum and dad.
2 The green countryside.
3 Radio 4.
4 BBC TV.
5 Walking up Shotover Hill.
6 Sandwiches.
7 Not having to disinfect fruit and vegetables.
8 Being able to drink tap water.
9 The Guardian
10 Nice buses. (That’s what she said, honest.)
Saturday 9 May 2009
Lakeside llama and blessed cars
The next morning we took another boat trip, this time to a small island, Isla Pariti. Home to donkeys, birds and few people; plonked in the deep blue lake and in view of the Andes, it seemed idyllic. In reality, the lack of shops, drinking water and electricity would get trying pretty fast.
Our departure from Puerto Pérez was held up by a passing rally. The Gumball 3000 has nothing to worry about: pouting blokes in Daihtsu Charades with stickers on strained along, with their bored girlfriends in the passenger seat.
Once the rally passed, it was an interesting drive. Sunday must be a popular day for blessing cars at the Copacabana. It’s a strange business: shamans and Catholic priests perform a ceremony to ensure the safety of vehicles. The cars are lightly doused with alcohol and decorated before being sent on their way.
It was an interesting drive past the former home of Victor Hugo Cardenas. The Aymara politician had been Vice President (1993-97) and was now a critic of the government. This is a dangerous position to take in the Altiplano—last month, while he was away, his neighbours broke in, beat up his wife and children, and took over his house. It’s still covered in graffiti and the family has moved.
Having randomly picked one of Huatajata seemingly identical lake-side restaurants, we bumped into a mate. She’d had an interesting morning having been chased by a frying-pan wielding mother defending her children from my friend’s morally corrupting influence.
After compulsory—and delicious trout—we went next door to the museum of the Altiplano, where I held a baby llama and a vicuna nibbled my trouser area.
Our departure from Puerto Pérez was held up by a passing rally. The Gumball 3000 has nothing to worry about: pouting blokes in Daihtsu Charades with stickers on strained along, with their bored girlfriends in the passenger seat.
Once the rally passed, it was an interesting drive. Sunday must be a popular day for blessing cars at the Copacabana. It’s a strange business: shamans and Catholic priests perform a ceremony to ensure the safety of vehicles. The cars are lightly doused with alcohol and decorated before being sent on their way.
It was an interesting drive past the former home of Victor Hugo Cardenas. The Aymara politician had been Vice President (1993-97) and was now a critic of the government. This is a dangerous position to take in the Altiplano—last month, while he was away, his neighbours broke in, beat up his wife and children, and took over his house. It’s still covered in graffiti and the family has moved.
Having randomly picked one of Huatajata seemingly identical lake-side restaurants, we bumped into a mate. She’d had an interesting morning having been chased by a frying-pan wielding mother defending her children from my friend’s morally corrupting influence.
After compulsory—and delicious trout—we went next door to the museum of the Altiplano, where I held a baby llama and a vicuna nibbled my trouser area.
Saturday 2 May 2009
We were sailing, they were sinking
We made a trip to Puerto Perez to stay in the Swiss-chalet style there and spend some time on Lake Titicaca. In the first afternoon, a little wooden sailing boat took the seven of us on an outing. It was beautiful, and really relaxing despite being a little squashed.
As we returned to land, an endless stream of dressed-up Bolivians piled into a sister boat. I asked our captain what was the maximum possible aboard. 15, he said. When I pointed out there seemed to be more than that, he said there are 25, I think.
They set off, the boat perilously low in the water, happily singing along to an on-board guitarist, somewhere lost in the crowd. It was fortunate it did not sink because few Bolivians can swim and the water is unforgivingly cold.
Bruce and I watched the sunset from the end of the pier. As the cold wind blew over the lake, the snow-capped mountains turned a delicious shade of coconut-ice pink. At every side, the view was wonderful.
As we returned to land, an endless stream of dressed-up Bolivians piled into a sister boat. I asked our captain what was the maximum possible aboard. 15, he said. When I pointed out there seemed to be more than that, he said there are 25, I think.
They set off, the boat perilously low in the water, happily singing along to an on-board guitarist, somewhere lost in the crowd. It was fortunate it did not sink because few Bolivians can swim and the water is unforgivingly cold.
Bruce and I watched the sunset from the end of the pier. As the cold wind blew over the lake, the snow-capped mountains turned a delicious shade of coconut-ice pink. At every side, the view was wonderful.
Tuesday 14 April 2009
Back on the saltenas
President Evo Morales has just announced he is ending his hunger strike. After five days of ploughing through the coca leaves to suppress his appetite, he must be delighted to be eating again. A compromise was reached with Congress and the election reform has passed.
I wonder whether the same compromise would have been found without the strike. It sets a dangerous precedent: from now on will the president always refuse to eat unless he immediately gets his way? Perhaps in future for quicker results, he could try holding his breath and stamping his feet or putting a gun to his head threatening to pull the trigger.
Except that hunger strikes are not treated with the same seriousness here as in the UK. No one expected the president to actually starve to death, and the move was treated with derision by many Bolivians.
For the most powerful man in the country to use such a desperate measure signals a failure of his democratic leadership, it shows a complete lack of belief in parliamentary process. Ironically, it was used to pass worthwhile reform of the same institution he was arm twisting.
Alternatively, perhaps the president just knew this common fallback tactic would be highly popular with his core support and that the opposition were only playing silly buggers. He certainly had the good sense to avoid a simultaneous dirty protest of the presidential palace.
I wonder whether the same compromise would have been found without the strike. It sets a dangerous precedent: from now on will the president always refuse to eat unless he immediately gets his way? Perhaps in future for quicker results, he could try holding his breath and stamping his feet or putting a gun to his head threatening to pull the trigger.
Except that hunger strikes are not treated with the same seriousness here as in the UK. No one expected the president to actually starve to death, and the move was treated with derision by many Bolivians.
For the most powerful man in the country to use such a desperate measure signals a failure of his democratic leadership, it shows a complete lack of belief in parliamentary process. Ironically, it was used to pass worthwhile reform of the same institution he was arm twisting.
Alternatively, perhaps the president just knew this common fallback tactic would be highly popular with his core support and that the opposition were only playing silly buggers. He certainly had the good sense to avoid a simultaneous dirty protest of the presidential palace.
Wednesday 1 April 2009
Football gods humbled
I went to the Bolivia vs Argentina football match today. Billed as a one-sided affair, this was a chance for Bolivian football fans to watch some real world stars in action. It was certainly a one-sided affair.
Despite the double-normal international-ticket prices, the stadium was packed. The Bolivian bloke in front of me was wearing an “Autonomia” t’shirt calling for autonomy for the prefecture of Santa Cruz. It seemed a strange choice of clothing when supporting your national side.
Stranger was his mate, who was wearing an Argentina shirt and tall, felt hat. At Wembley, Neanderthal fans mean the teams have to be segregated, so it was good see understanding and support for an opposition side. It was peculiar to see that understanding and support shown by one man for both sides, as his allegiance to Bolivia developed as the game progressed.
Argentina coach Maradona stood still on the touchline showing more movement than his team. He had been a prominent supporter of Bolivia’s right to play in La Paz, where the altitude strongly favours the home side. He even played a game with Evo Morales for the benefit for the media to prove to Fifa that anyone can do it.
It would appear his team couldn’t. Leaden-footed and disinterested, the Argentinians succeeded in making the Bolivian team look very good indeed. They lost 6-1 in front of a joyous, incredulous crowd. I would have loved to hear the goalkeeper blame his hopelessness on the altitude, as he hardly exerted himself beyond repeatedly getting the ball out of the net. The only Argentinian goal was as a result of a bobble in the pitch rather than skill.
It was a real privilege to see a game that will go down in Bolivian football history. Afterwards, there was no lap of honour, dancing in the street or pubs to throng; just an excited crowd making its way home.
Meanwhile in London: riots.
Despite the double-normal international-ticket prices, the stadium was packed. The Bolivian bloke in front of me was wearing an “Autonomia” t’shirt calling for autonomy for the prefecture of Santa Cruz. It seemed a strange choice of clothing when supporting your national side.
Stranger was his mate, who was wearing an Argentina shirt and tall, felt hat. At Wembley, Neanderthal fans mean the teams have to be segregated, so it was good see understanding and support for an opposition side. It was peculiar to see that understanding and support shown by one man for both sides, as his allegiance to Bolivia developed as the game progressed.
Argentina coach Maradona stood still on the touchline showing more movement than his team. He had been a prominent supporter of Bolivia’s right to play in La Paz, where the altitude strongly favours the home side. He even played a game with Evo Morales for the benefit for the media to prove to Fifa that anyone can do it.
It would appear his team couldn’t. Leaden-footed and disinterested, the Argentinians succeeded in making the Bolivian team look very good indeed. They lost 6-1 in front of a joyous, incredulous crowd. I would have loved to hear the goalkeeper blame his hopelessness on the altitude, as he hardly exerted himself beyond repeatedly getting the ball out of the net. The only Argentinian goal was as a result of a bobble in the pitch rather than skill.
It was a real privilege to see a game that will go down in Bolivian football history. Afterwards, there was no lap of honour, dancing in the street or pubs to throng; just an excited crowd making its way home.
Meanwhile in London: riots.
Saturday 28 March 2009
Dia del Mar: Cloaking failure in glory
Monday (23rd March) was the Dia del Mar (Day of the Sea) or the Dia del Bar as my Spanish teacher called it. Now an annual military procession drawing on all the pomp and circumstance that Bolivia can muster, it commemorates the start of the War of the Pacific in 1879.
A seemingly endless army of uniformed teens in unseemly short skirts twirled batons. Troops wore the glorious uniforms from the day, complete with pink or baby-blue motifs. Magnificent horses were decked out in sparkly wrestling-style masks to match their regiments.
Huge crowds lined the streets around the Plaza Avaroa to congratulate the troops and enjoy the bouncy tunes of the military brass bands. They were regaled over the tannoy by triumphalist announcements of the honour and bravery of the fighting men.
Except that these men’s military forefathers had been ignominiously defeated and the sea had been lost. The consequences for Bolivia as a trading nation were catastrophic, leaving it simultaneously centrally located and yet isolated.
It is difficult to see the reasoning behind this camp and embarrassing event, except to remind Bolivians that they once had access to a coastline. The blame is laid at the door of the Chileans for having the temerity to beat Bolivia and the British for backing them (foreign support is still more likely to go to Chile).
Such grandiose recognition of failure will not win Bolivians anything back but only engender a feeling they were somehow cheated. The largely impotent navy is retained, working Lake Titicaca’s border with Peru and longing for choppier waters.
The Chileans have been leading them up the garden path ever since and continue to do so with fanciful negotiations about possible routes to the sea.
It may be that Bolivia’s more militarized neighbour is intimidated by the thought of being invaded by an army of baton-waving teenagers but I doubt it.
Perhaps the British army should hold similar events to celebrate its loss of India, the US and northern France.
A seemingly endless army of uniformed teens in unseemly short skirts twirled batons. Troops wore the glorious uniforms from the day, complete with pink or baby-blue motifs. Magnificent horses were decked out in sparkly wrestling-style masks to match their regiments.
Huge crowds lined the streets around the Plaza Avaroa to congratulate the troops and enjoy the bouncy tunes of the military brass bands. They were regaled over the tannoy by triumphalist announcements of the honour and bravery of the fighting men.
Except that these men’s military forefathers had been ignominiously defeated and the sea had been lost. The consequences for Bolivia as a trading nation were catastrophic, leaving it simultaneously centrally located and yet isolated.
It is difficult to see the reasoning behind this camp and embarrassing event, except to remind Bolivians that they once had access to a coastline. The blame is laid at the door of the Chileans for having the temerity to beat Bolivia and the British for backing them (foreign support is still more likely to go to Chile).
Such grandiose recognition of failure will not win Bolivians anything back but only engender a feeling they were somehow cheated. The largely impotent navy is retained, working Lake Titicaca’s border with Peru and longing for choppier waters.
The Chileans have been leading them up the garden path ever since and continue to do so with fanciful negotiations about possible routes to the sea.
It may be that Bolivia’s more militarized neighbour is intimidated by the thought of being invaded by an army of baton-waving teenagers but I doubt it.
Perhaps the British army should hold similar events to celebrate its loss of India, the US and northern France.
Tuesday 24 March 2009
16,000 feet high and rising
Despite being at an oxygen-deficient altitude up the Andes, we don’t really get snow and even less skiing. The world’s highest ski run on Chacaltaya’s glacier has been successfully stuffed by global warming leaving a defunct Alpine-themed lodge with great 1980s photos of Bolivian skiers on the walls.
Club Andino Boliviano can still sort out winter sports here but only just. We packed into a minibus (there’s ALWAYS room for one more) and headed up into El Alto, where we stopped. Those with faith in coca’s ability to halt altitude sickness stocked up at a little shop and we waited. And waited. After a while it became apparent they had forgotten some of the kit.
The boots eventually arrived and we were off again, this time into the mountains. Our minibus headed where tanks would fear to tread: over rocks, and through streams and herds of llama, we crunched, splashed and occasionally got out and walked. It was a magnificent trip until the driver let slip that we were going the wrong way and turned round.
After some time, we arrived at our destination. Not the bottom of a virgin piste but an hour and half’s walk from one. As the guides set off into the distance, we panted behind lugging our gear.
By now we were more than 5,000 metres up and the pace was being set by a petite, coca-less, French girl. She had just arrived in the country and was tactfully not smoking so as not to shame we Paceñas any further.
At the end of the walk, we were eager to get stuck in but came unstuck when it was clear that the equipment was older and in worse condition than many of our party.
When I finally skied again, for the first time in 12 years, it was all worth it. The snow was crisp and for those precious moments I was the highest skier in the world. Later, I snowboarded down and all the nonsense and incompetence was forgotten. A gentle slope, there was no danger, which was just as well because when even if I did have insurance to pay for it, helicopters can’t fly at this altitude. It would have a very painful journey back to the minibus and then the bouncy track to La Paz’s dubious hospitals.
A day of firsts: skiing and boarding in the same day, acquiring reverse sunburn panda marks, and then an evening of karaoke. Also a day of very mixed successes. Karaoke!
Club Andino Boliviano can still sort out winter sports here but only just. We packed into a minibus (there’s ALWAYS room for one more) and headed up into El Alto, where we stopped. Those with faith in coca’s ability to halt altitude sickness stocked up at a little shop and we waited. And waited. After a while it became apparent they had forgotten some of the kit.
The boots eventually arrived and we were off again, this time into the mountains. Our minibus headed where tanks would fear to tread: over rocks, and through streams and herds of llama, we crunched, splashed and occasionally got out and walked. It was a magnificent trip until the driver let slip that we were going the wrong way and turned round.
After some time, we arrived at our destination. Not the bottom of a virgin piste but an hour and half’s walk from one. As the guides set off into the distance, we panted behind lugging our gear.
By now we were more than 5,000 metres up and the pace was being set by a petite, coca-less, French girl. She had just arrived in the country and was tactfully not smoking so as not to shame we Paceñas any further.
At the end of the walk, we were eager to get stuck in but came unstuck when it was clear that the equipment was older and in worse condition than many of our party.
When I finally skied again, for the first time in 12 years, it was all worth it. The snow was crisp and for those precious moments I was the highest skier in the world. Later, I snowboarded down and all the nonsense and incompetence was forgotten. A gentle slope, there was no danger, which was just as well because when even if I did have insurance to pay for it, helicopters can’t fly at this altitude. It would have a very painful journey back to the minibus and then the bouncy track to La Paz’s dubious hospitals.
A day of firsts: skiing and boarding in the same day, acquiring reverse sunburn panda marks, and then an evening of karaoke. Also a day of very mixed successes. Karaoke!
Monday 2 March 2009
Carnival fever hits La Paz. All my friends leave.
Bolivia has just finished celebrating carnival. In so many, many ways, La Paz is not Rio. Rather than thousands of scantily clad beauties prancing about in the sun, we had been warned to expect drunken youth gangs armed with water balloons on every corner and looming out of every window. This was trailed as The Worst Time To Be In Bolivia.
In fact, it was quite fun, at least as a spectator. There were excited small children (and the odd pet) in fancy dress: fairies, spidermen, devils even a belly dancer. It seemed to be a great time for the Bolivian equivalent of the dull bloke from accounts: in the supermarkets, sensibly moustachioed men stocked on packets of crisps the size of pillows, foam and firecackers.
In the market, stalls offered everything needed for a good festival: dried flowers, confetti, bangers, streamers, face paint, wigs and Ceibo—the 96% proof drinking alcohol.
Once it had kicked off, the Prado—La Paz’s Oxford Street—was filled with happy schoolboys soaking schoolgirls with water pistols the size of bazookers. Bands bounced along, with dancers dressed as “pepino”, a little devilish chap, who shares his name with the word for cucumber (to my mind, the devil’s genitalia). Men wearing dresses ran about spraying foam and others played along clad in plastic macs.
As the water was thrown around, it looked like a lot of fun. From the safety of the five-star hotel Plaza’s bar overlooking the Prado, it looked great. Clearly, I didn’t want to be any nearer.
As well as the water and dancing, there was also the ch’alla. This is a blessing of homes, cars and offices. I watched a smart office worker spraying lager all over her car at lunchtime. Door-to-door shaman went between offices offering their services like salesmen flogging brushes or insurance. The blessing process is a boozy business and stretched well into the next week.
In fact, it was quite fun, at least as a spectator. There were excited small children (and the odd pet) in fancy dress: fairies, spidermen, devils even a belly dancer. It seemed to be a great time for the Bolivian equivalent of the dull bloke from accounts: in the supermarkets, sensibly moustachioed men stocked on packets of crisps the size of pillows, foam and firecackers.
In the market, stalls offered everything needed for a good festival: dried flowers, confetti, bangers, streamers, face paint, wigs and Ceibo—the 96% proof drinking alcohol.
Once it had kicked off, the Prado—La Paz’s Oxford Street—was filled with happy schoolboys soaking schoolgirls with water pistols the size of bazookers. Bands bounced along, with dancers dressed as “pepino”, a little devilish chap, who shares his name with the word for cucumber (to my mind, the devil’s genitalia). Men wearing dresses ran about spraying foam and others played along clad in plastic macs.
As the water was thrown around, it looked like a lot of fun. From the safety of the five-star hotel Plaza’s bar overlooking the Prado, it looked great. Clearly, I didn’t want to be any nearer.
As well as the water and dancing, there was also the ch’alla. This is a blessing of homes, cars and offices. I watched a smart office worker spraying lager all over her car at lunchtime. Door-to-door shaman went between offices offering their services like salesmen flogging brushes or insurance. The blessing process is a boozy business and stretched well into the next week.
Friday 27 February 2009
Thursday 19 February 2009
Hats and Hershey's kisses, briefcases and black men
The sun is so strong here and the air so thin that cancer is a serious concern. Wisely, the indigenous farmers all wear broad-brimmed hats as protection. The mass of sophisticated urban Bolivians would rather jab their eyes out than be associated with them. Instead, they wear baseball caps or use another means of protect themselves. Newspapers, hands, folders, semi-furled umbrellas, bags: it seems Paceñas (La Paz residents) will put anything over their heads to avoid anything so foolish as a hat. Today, I saw an otherwise elegant lady dashing her sophisticated aura into the dirt by carrying a lipstick-pink child’s briefcase on her head.
In the supermarket checkout next to the other mass-market chocolate is a brand called Beso de Negro. I don’t think a Black Man’s Kiss would be really considered acceptable in the UK. However, these are no dark-chocolate, local version of Hershey’s kisses. Instead, they are knobbly, phallic-shaped and filled with cream. Added to this, “beso de negro” is another name for what greasy-palmed tabloid journalists like to call an “unnatural sex act”. Have I let political correctness get the better of me or is this simply wrong?
In the supermarket checkout next to the other mass-market chocolate is a brand called Beso de Negro. I don’t think a Black Man’s Kiss would be really considered acceptable in the UK. However, these are no dark-chocolate, local version of Hershey’s kisses. Instead, they are knobbly, phallic-shaped and filled with cream. Added to this, “beso de negro” is another name for what greasy-palmed tabloid journalists like to call an “unnatural sex act”. Have I let political correctness get the better of me or is this simply wrong?
Monday 9 February 2009
Exercise, altitude and a virus: not a great cocktail
About a ten days ago I developed a cold. Nothing too serious about that and after a few days, I thought I felt well enough to swim and have my first rugby training since I left school. It was hard work and my lungs burnt savagely. The next morning, I was coughing up blood. Clearly, all was not well.
On Saturday, a thirsty chap, I finished the 20 litres of water, which had been delivered on Monday. For one bloke on his own, without tea and coffee, I was sloshing back 3.5 litres a day. And I was still parched.
Still, I had my second rugby training. My lungs seemed stronger and I hung on until cramp claimed me a few minutes from the end of the session. I took this as a painful moral victory.
On Sunday, I played tennis (Evo was playing football on the pitch below us, the bands were rather distracting) and then I really started to feel dreadful. After a very early night, I passed out, woke up, passed out again, until after 3pm the next afternoon. More than seventeen hours after crashing, I dragged myself out of bed. For an insomnia sufferer, this is a lot of sleep. I’ve started taking it a little easier.
On Saturday, a thirsty chap, I finished the 20 litres of water, which had been delivered on Monday. For one bloke on his own, without tea and coffee, I was sloshing back 3.5 litres a day. And I was still parched.
Still, I had my second rugby training. My lungs seemed stronger and I hung on until cramp claimed me a few minutes from the end of the session. I took this as a painful moral victory.
On Sunday, I played tennis (Evo was playing football on the pitch below us, the bands were rather distracting) and then I really started to feel dreadful. After a very early night, I passed out, woke up, passed out again, until after 3pm the next afternoon. More than seventeen hours after crashing, I dragged myself out of bed. For an insomnia sufferer, this is a lot of sleep. I’ve started taking it a little easier.
Wednesday 28 January 2009
Urmiri, worth the wait
After several failed attempts, we were off to Urmiri—the spa hotel in the hills. We (Richard, Sally, Mikael, Karin, Susi and I) piled into a minibus minibus, ploughed through the flat, concrete roads of the Altiplano and then swung a left on to a dusty trail winding into the dry hills.
This is the dry season but there was precious little sign of anything green in the desolate surroundings. Little girls, tending small flocks of sheep, stood at the roadside proferring their wide-brimmed hats hoping for change from the few passing vehicles.
We passed into a hillier section, down under the cactus line and through a series of hairpin turns to reach Urmiri. It's a little oasis; bright, terraced gardens cascade into a pool of water fed by a waterfall. It’s hot and gorgeous, and hardly stinks of sulphur at all. We sploshed about as a hummingbird flew overhead.
Our room was on the ground floor. To my amusement, the huge mirrored windows meant I could jump about as nature intended while watching the passers-by. To my horror, the see-through windows in the bathroom meant the same thing would get me arrested.
Apart from the lack of privacy, our bathroom had a huge Turkish bath, looked upon by a beautiful mosaic hummingbird. After dinner, there was plenty of room for Mikael, Karin, Susi and I to all get in with a bottle of fizz before dashing outside to the waterfall’s plunge pool.
The drive home the next day was punctuated by many more pitiful child beggars, standing alone in the parched earth by the dusty road.
This is the dry season but there was precious little sign of anything green in the desolate surroundings. Little girls, tending small flocks of sheep, stood at the roadside proferring their wide-brimmed hats hoping for change from the few passing vehicles.
We passed into a hillier section, down under the cactus line and through a series of hairpin turns to reach Urmiri. It's a little oasis; bright, terraced gardens cascade into a pool of water fed by a waterfall. It’s hot and gorgeous, and hardly stinks of sulphur at all. We sploshed about as a hummingbird flew overhead.
Our room was on the ground floor. To my amusement, the huge mirrored windows meant I could jump about as nature intended while watching the passers-by. To my horror, the see-through windows in the bathroom meant the same thing would get me arrested.
Apart from the lack of privacy, our bathroom had a huge Turkish bath, looked upon by a beautiful mosaic hummingbird. After dinner, there was plenty of room for Mikael, Karin, Susi and I to all get in with a bottle of fizz before dashing outside to the waterfall’s plunge pool.
The drive home the next day was punctuated by many more pitiful child beggars, standing alone in the parched earth by the dusty road.
Sunday 25 January 2009
Small things, shaman, God and a whole new constitution
It’s been an interesting weekend here in La Paz. On Saturday was the start of the Fiesta of Small Things. People buy models of whatever they want—cars, houses, money, minibuses, babies—and then have them blessed by a shaman in expectation of therefore receiving them. I suspect some maybe disappointed.
Members of an equal-opportunities profession, the shamans sat in front of crucibles of burning incense and bottles of the 96% “drinking” alcohol, Ciebo. While the rest of Bolivia suffers under a booze ban, a special exception has been made for the shamans’ blessing ceremonies.
Sunday was the referendum on the new constitution. Billed as the decolonization of Bolivia and the empowering of the marginalized majority, I would find it difficult to vote no. However, it’s imperfect—vastly overlong, ambiguous and contradictory—providing ample ammunition for those who instinctively disagree with anything produced by Evo and the MAS government, or those firmly against socialism and secularization.
Both sides have behaved badly: government supporters unforgivably attacked a local no vote march and the opposition preposterously argued a yes vote is to kick God out of the country.
Voting is an obligation rather than a right here, and there’s a ban of traffic on election day to prevent people feeling obligated to place their tick in more than one location. The roads were by turn eerie and humanized: kids rode their bikes, fathers taught their children to ride, football games were played in busy thoroughfares and people walked their puppies (fully grown dogs are dumped as strays), elsewhere empty roads echoed the far-off celebratory explosions of dynamite fuses.
Even in the afternoon, hours before any result, Plaza Murillo—the parliament square—was already full. I’ve not seen so many crusty travellers in one place since Goa in 1995. A chant of Evo! Evo! went up but it failed to catch, but it was early days. There was clearly going to be some celebrating here when the inevitable yes-vote success came through.
Outside the MAS office, they were already hugging and kissing—even without a result, they knew this is a historic day.
Members of an equal-opportunities profession, the shamans sat in front of crucibles of burning incense and bottles of the 96% “drinking” alcohol, Ciebo. While the rest of Bolivia suffers under a booze ban, a special exception has been made for the shamans’ blessing ceremonies.
Sunday was the referendum on the new constitution. Billed as the decolonization of Bolivia and the empowering of the marginalized majority, I would find it difficult to vote no. However, it’s imperfect—vastly overlong, ambiguous and contradictory—providing ample ammunition for those who instinctively disagree with anything produced by Evo and the MAS government, or those firmly against socialism and secularization.
Both sides have behaved badly: government supporters unforgivably attacked a local no vote march and the opposition preposterously argued a yes vote is to kick God out of the country.
Voting is an obligation rather than a right here, and there’s a ban of traffic on election day to prevent people feeling obligated to place their tick in more than one location. The roads were by turn eerie and humanized: kids rode their bikes, fathers taught their children to ride, football games were played in busy thoroughfares and people walked their puppies (fully grown dogs are dumped as strays), elsewhere empty roads echoed the far-off celebratory explosions of dynamite fuses.
Even in the afternoon, hours before any result, Plaza Murillo—the parliament square—was already full. I’ve not seen so many crusty travellers in one place since Goa in 1995. A chant of Evo! Evo! went up but it failed to catch, but it was early days. There was clearly going to be some celebrating here when the inevitable yes-vote success came through.
Outside the MAS office, they were already hugging and kissing—even without a result, they knew this is a historic day.
Thursday 22 January 2009
Feet like clown shoes
My sunburn was developing magnificently. By now it felt as if I was wearing scalding-hot socks, and my bright-red feet and ankles had swollen impressively. I wondered when I would see my ankles again, not that I missed them particularly but it was strange not to see them there any longer.
Given that my main reason for coming here was to surf, my preposterous new feet were a disaster. Instead, we took a taxi to the top of the El Morro headland, which overlooks the town, and looked down at the town—surrounded entirely by desert and sea.
It was here, in the 1929 War of the Pacific, that Bolivia lost its link to the ocean, something that it has been going on about endlessly ever since. Chile has won pretty much ever battle and argument between the two countries before and since; its people are better organised and better educated, while its governments have consistently been less governed by self-interest. As a rule, however, the Bolivians tend to prefer to blame the Brits for their crucial lost sea connection.
Any sort of lower body movement severely limited, we went to the Maracuya restaurant, which is hoisted on stilts over the sea, and had a drink. The setting is wonderful but they are determined to cover their lovely fish in showy, gloopy sauces. We discovered you can actually taste the glorious fresh fish if you order from the simpler express menu.
As we sat over the surf, red-headed vultures wheeled around outside threatening to fly in through the glassless windows and join us.
Given that my main reason for coming here was to surf, my preposterous new feet were a disaster. Instead, we took a taxi to the top of the El Morro headland, which overlooks the town, and looked down at the town—surrounded entirely by desert and sea.
It was here, in the 1929 War of the Pacific, that Bolivia lost its link to the ocean, something that it has been going on about endlessly ever since. Chile has won pretty much ever battle and argument between the two countries before and since; its people are better organised and better educated, while its governments have consistently been less governed by self-interest. As a rule, however, the Bolivians tend to prefer to blame the Brits for their crucial lost sea connection.
Any sort of lower body movement severely limited, we went to the Maracuya restaurant, which is hoisted on stilts over the sea, and had a drink. The setting is wonderful but they are determined to cover their lovely fish in showy, gloopy sauces. We discovered you can actually taste the glorious fresh fish if you order from the simpler express menu.
As we sat over the surf, red-headed vultures wheeled around outside threatening to fly in through the glassless windows and join us.
Friday 16 January 2009
I really don’t like beaches
As we were by the sea, I felt the weight of the expectation to go to the beach. I’m not a fan: beaches are uncomfortable, uncomfortably hot and there’s nothing to do—unless it’s a surf beach. It wasn’t.
Fortunately, I am not uncomfortable looking like a stereotypical Englishman. While Susi, under the vast parasol, read something mildly improving while wearing a sun hat, huge sunnies and a cardie; I moped about in a cricket hat, getting fried and wishing I was in the bar.
Looking for something to do, I took my pasty body and sunburnt feet for a run down the beach. Like Southend, there’s a decrepit pier here. Gangs of kids in wet suit and flippers were throwing themselves and their bodyboards off into the surf below. They looked like the reprobate younger brothers of Dogtown and Z-Boys.
For a while I was chased by an aggressive sausage dog, which in turn was chased by its embarrassed teenage owner. I feared for my ankles and her bikini. A little further up another dog was being operated on by apparently normal beach goers. Perhaps this is how they deal with unruly dogs here.
There was a further element of danger to running here. All along the beach brown-and-white striped diaphanous jellyfish had been washed up. I was keen to avoid a sunburnt foot-full.
There are lots of things about Chile I like, for instance, they were holding a beach 7s rugby tournament. Also, things work: a lack of sparks from a plug means it functions properly rather than the reverse, as in Bolivia.
However, cocktails makers here are as cack-handed as Bolivia. It takes a special ineptness not to be able to make a Cuba Libre. I forced it down and thought of Chilean vineyards.
Fortunately, I am not uncomfortable looking like a stereotypical Englishman. While Susi, under the vast parasol, read something mildly improving while wearing a sun hat, huge sunnies and a cardie; I moped about in a cricket hat, getting fried and wishing I was in the bar.
Looking for something to do, I took my pasty body and sunburnt feet for a run down the beach. Like Southend, there’s a decrepit pier here. Gangs of kids in wet suit and flippers were throwing themselves and their bodyboards off into the surf below. They looked like the reprobate younger brothers of Dogtown and Z-Boys.
For a while I was chased by an aggressive sausage dog, which in turn was chased by its embarrassed teenage owner. I feared for my ankles and her bikini. A little further up another dog was being operated on by apparently normal beach goers. Perhaps this is how they deal with unruly dogs here.
There was a further element of danger to running here. All along the beach brown-and-white striped diaphanous jellyfish had been washed up. I was keen to avoid a sunburnt foot-full.
There are lots of things about Chile I like, for instance, they were holding a beach 7s rugby tournament. Also, things work: a lack of sparks from a plug means it functions properly rather than the reverse, as in Bolivia.
However, cocktails makers here are as cack-handed as Bolivia. It takes a special ineptness not to be able to make a Cuba Libre. I forced it down and thought of Chilean vineyards.
Wednesday 7 January 2009
Arica—we found it eventually
My first trip outside of Bolivia for some time started at the handsome bus station on the outskirts of La Paz. As the bus drew out we passed a small grass patch where scores of women and small children were camped out. Every year, they make the trip down from north Potosi to beg in the run up to Christmas.
It must be cold, dangerous and extremely unpleasant for the women and small children sleeping in a small grass patch by a main road. How desperate must their normal lives be to warrant this annual trip from home to a makeshift refugee camp?
Our Chilean bus bounced us through El Alto into Sajama National Park. It’s a vast desolate area punctuated by the Platonic ideal of a towering volcano. Sadly, it was cloudy and I was asleep but I am told it looks great.
Past Bolivian customs, we entered a tract of no-man’s land. To the surprise of everyone, the government has actually implemented a law preventing the import of vehicles more than five years’ old. As a result, there are hundreds of used cars waiting in limbo loaded on trucks. The truck drivers have been stuck in this cold, wet, desolate place for three weeks waiting for the government to relent.
After a three hours wait, we were through the shambolic Chilean border control. For drama, the setting could not be beaten: customs is set by a lake, where flamingoes flash past, across the lake a powerful electrical storm cloaked and lit up a mountain, while the range behind was perfectly snow-topped. It was also cold, windy and soul-sappingly tedious.
Eventually, we crossed into Chile’s Parque Nacional Luaca. It was a lovely drive past full of endless vicuna, the llama’s cute but shy little cousin. Past the rivers and lakes of the park, we descended from the altiplano and into the desert.
Northern Chile is a scene of utter desiccation. There are places around here that have never recorded any rainfall. Ever. It’s amazing that even the cacti can survive.
After what felt like a short lifetime we arrived at Arica. Plonked between the desert and the sea, it has all the immediate charm of a cross between Watford and Miami. On the positive side, it was deliciously warm, on the coast and it was not a bus.
There are doubtless lots of fresh and exciting sides to Arica (the fish, for example), however, the locals’ taste in music is not one of them. I can’t remember the last time I heard Right Said Fred twice in one day. 1992, probably.
We arrived on Saturday night to find the town was quiet. Its citizens, in their often unflatteringly tight-fitting clothing, were smiley, friendly and relaxed. Even the taxi drivers seemed honest.
After La Paz, it was confusing to find the traffic stopping for us, even Chilean chavs would patiently wait if we innocently stood anywhere near a zebra crossing. What nice people.
It must be cold, dangerous and extremely unpleasant for the women and small children sleeping in a small grass patch by a main road. How desperate must their normal lives be to warrant this annual trip from home to a makeshift refugee camp?
Our Chilean bus bounced us through El Alto into Sajama National Park. It’s a vast desolate area punctuated by the Platonic ideal of a towering volcano. Sadly, it was cloudy and I was asleep but I am told it looks great.
Past Bolivian customs, we entered a tract of no-man’s land. To the surprise of everyone, the government has actually implemented a law preventing the import of vehicles more than five years’ old. As a result, there are hundreds of used cars waiting in limbo loaded on trucks. The truck drivers have been stuck in this cold, wet, desolate place for three weeks waiting for the government to relent.
After a three hours wait, we were through the shambolic Chilean border control. For drama, the setting could not be beaten: customs is set by a lake, where flamingoes flash past, across the lake a powerful electrical storm cloaked and lit up a mountain, while the range behind was perfectly snow-topped. It was also cold, windy and soul-sappingly tedious.
Eventually, we crossed into Chile’s Parque Nacional Luaca. It was a lovely drive past full of endless vicuna, the llama’s cute but shy little cousin. Past the rivers and lakes of the park, we descended from the altiplano and into the desert.
Northern Chile is a scene of utter desiccation. There are places around here that have never recorded any rainfall. Ever. It’s amazing that even the cacti can survive.
After what felt like a short lifetime we arrived at Arica. Plonked between the desert and the sea, it has all the immediate charm of a cross between Watford and Miami. On the positive side, it was deliciously warm, on the coast and it was not a bus.
There are doubtless lots of fresh and exciting sides to Arica (the fish, for example), however, the locals’ taste in music is not one of them. I can’t remember the last time I heard Right Said Fred twice in one day. 1992, probably.
We arrived on Saturday night to find the town was quiet. Its citizens, in their often unflatteringly tight-fitting clothing, were smiley, friendly and relaxed. Even the taxi drivers seemed honest.
After La Paz, it was confusing to find the traffic stopping for us, even Chilean chavs would patiently wait if we innocently stood anywhere near a zebra crossing. What nice people.
Saturday 3 January 2009
Chulumani and mercifully back again
This is an part of an intro I wrote in November for a test piece for a guidebook:
After a bus trip of such awe-inspiring beauty and buttock-clenching danger it would leave Richard Dawkins reaching for Catholicism’s embrace, you arrive at Chulumani. While, the town’s architectural delights may not trouble UNESCO unduly, it is not without its charm.
HISTORY
The Spaniards founded the town in 1748, 33 years later it was the scene of battles between rebels and the Spanish army. Around this time, African slaves started to arrive, purchased by local landowners from the silver mines of Potosi. These Afro-Bolivian communities still exist in the area.
German Jews found refuge here from persecution in the 1930s and early ’40s. To mutual astonishment and disgust, notable German Nazis and chemists started arriving here in the mid 1940s escaping from international justice.
Boom time for the cocaleros hit the town in the 1980s with cocaine being openly sold in the Plaza Libertad as Colombian “businessmen” in helicopters flew overhead. Today, cocaleros are again in the pink with the price at record highs.
I didn’t get the job but it was an interesting trip. The owner of my hotel regaled me with stories of his past (New York gang fights, Woodstock, conversions to apocalyptic cults) and tales of the town (Nazi coke and gold, and naked drunken Nazis dancing in the street). Great stuff.
The drive back was terrifying. I had the last seat on the past-retirement-age bus, next to the driver and inches from the window screen. He started the journey with the sign of the cross and we were away down the dusty track. This was the first black bus driver I had seen since leaving London and as we careered through the hills it reminded me of the end of The Italian Job. If he had started playing the The Self-Preservation Society, I would have lost what little composure I had left.
As we flew around blind bends—he drinking orangeade, lighting fags, picking his nose, beeping the horn and making the sign of the cross—I would have flashes of the silver ravine scores of metres below my right foot.
This was the only context when seeing a bus rushing at me I hoped we would hit it rather than attempt to get out of the way. As the driver slammed on the brakes while making the cross, I wondered why he didn’t put more faith in having both hands on the wheel and the merits of not having to skid to avoid potentially killing us all.
After a few tense hours, we were out of the semi-tropical hills and into freezing fog more than 4,000 metres up. Bolivians share an instinctive mistrust of headlights and true to form the driver reluctantly put on the ropey sidelights only once overtaking had become suicidal.
As the decrepit machine hurtled through the mist, the driver took a t’shirt out of plastic bag. Squinting as we flew into the nothingness, he wiped the thick condensation from the window and then popped the plastic bag in his mouth. I’d never seen anyone eat a plastic bag before or since, I can reveal it requires an awful lot of chewing without any discernable sign of pleasure. He did, however, polish it off before a post-meal fag.
After a bus trip of such awe-inspiring beauty and buttock-clenching danger it would leave Richard Dawkins reaching for Catholicism’s embrace, you arrive at Chulumani. While, the town’s architectural delights may not trouble UNESCO unduly, it is not without its charm.
HISTORY
The Spaniards founded the town in 1748, 33 years later it was the scene of battles between rebels and the Spanish army. Around this time, African slaves started to arrive, purchased by local landowners from the silver mines of Potosi. These Afro-Bolivian communities still exist in the area.
German Jews found refuge here from persecution in the 1930s and early ’40s. To mutual astonishment and disgust, notable German Nazis and chemists started arriving here in the mid 1940s escaping from international justice.
Boom time for the cocaleros hit the town in the 1980s with cocaine being openly sold in the Plaza Libertad as Colombian “businessmen” in helicopters flew overhead. Today, cocaleros are again in the pink with the price at record highs.
I didn’t get the job but it was an interesting trip. The owner of my hotel regaled me with stories of his past (New York gang fights, Woodstock, conversions to apocalyptic cults) and tales of the town (Nazi coke and gold, and naked drunken Nazis dancing in the street). Great stuff.
The drive back was terrifying. I had the last seat on the past-retirement-age bus, next to the driver and inches from the window screen. He started the journey with the sign of the cross and we were away down the dusty track. This was the first black bus driver I had seen since leaving London and as we careered through the hills it reminded me of the end of The Italian Job. If he had started playing the The Self-Preservation Society, I would have lost what little composure I had left.
As we flew around blind bends—he drinking orangeade, lighting fags, picking his nose, beeping the horn and making the sign of the cross—I would have flashes of the silver ravine scores of metres below my right foot.
This was the only context when seeing a bus rushing at me I hoped we would hit it rather than attempt to get out of the way. As the driver slammed on the brakes while making the cross, I wondered why he didn’t put more faith in having both hands on the wheel and the merits of not having to skid to avoid potentially killing us all.
After a few tense hours, we were out of the semi-tropical hills and into freezing fog more than 4,000 metres up. Bolivians share an instinctive mistrust of headlights and true to form the driver reluctantly put on the ropey sidelights only once overtaking had become suicidal.
As the decrepit machine hurtled through the mist, the driver took a t’shirt out of plastic bag. Squinting as we flew into the nothingness, he wiped the thick condensation from the window and then popped the plastic bag in his mouth. I’d never seen anyone eat a plastic bag before or since, I can reveal it requires an awful lot of chewing without any discernable sign of pleasure. He did, however, polish it off before a post-meal fag.
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